I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
