So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I love you. Go after that dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize