No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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