Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
