He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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