she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
