A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
