don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
