I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
