Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
