I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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