So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
