The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
