Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize