hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
