pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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