don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
