it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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