Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
