Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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