True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
