I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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