me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
