im drinking this country out of the recession.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
