he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
