Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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