This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
