he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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