come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
