remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
