the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
