Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
