He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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