At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
