The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
