so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
