Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize