why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
