All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Green mimosas i think yes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
