Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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