The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
how drunk are you?
Several
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
