I'm drive I can fine osifer
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
