I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
