I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
