So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
