i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
