Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
