Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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