Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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