The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
