If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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