I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
