Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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