this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
