Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
