just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
