he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
