new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
