we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
