it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
