Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
