LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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