So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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