This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
