i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
