I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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