Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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