I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
