In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
