I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
