i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
